where there's a will: Sarah

“I feel much less desperate about the weight. I think that’s made a big difference.

- Sarah (in Willpower!)

In Their Own Words: clients tell their stories

Where There's a Will: Sarah (from Willpower!)

I did Gillian’s course on overeating because I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to lose two stone and I wanted to keep it off, which I have never managed to do since my early teens. It seemed to me that I was completely incapable of doing this, even though I wanted it very much. I’m a wife, a mother to a beautiful three year old girl, a mature student and a part-time administrator. I cope with all this and I really know I can do anything I want, but I would fall apart when it came to food.

What is helping is to realise that the missing link for me was self-esteem. Anyone looking at my life from the outside would probably think I had good self-esteem but I did not. It didn’t make any difference what I achieved, and I know I have done quite well. I think this is because I come from a family of high achievers and I have ended up very much following in their footsteps. My mother in particular, as I’m taking very much the same path as her in life. I think I took on her tendency to use self-criticism to drive herself to achieve more, but whatever I do, it’s never enough.

What helps me now is to remember that my achievements don’t stop my self-criticism. What stops the self-criticism is unconditional self-acceptance. And unconditional means not conditional on any achievements! So it’s not about when I lose the weight, then I’ll be happy and then I’ll esteem myself. I’m still a long way from accepting myself unconditionally, but I certainly am beginning to see improvements.

Mostly I still want to lose weight, but what I realise is that I can be more compassionate with myself along the way. I feel much less guilty about eating even when I do eat the wrong things, and I’m doing a lot less of that. I never used to think about what was healthy, only whether or not I wanted to eat something and whether or not it would make me fat. I eat in a much more healthy way now and I actually want to do that. I am losing weight and I’m pleased about that, but I think about food in a completely different way now and I feel much less desperate about the weight. I think that’s made a big difference. It seems that the less desperate I become, the more it’s happening.

In general, I think less about doing everything to please other people and quite a bit more about doing what’s right for me. This has been a very big step for me. I feel a lot more relaxed now. I’ve become less of the entertainer of the family and this is working better for all three of us.

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